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One of the most fascinating concepts in the Tightwad Gazette books is that of the purpose of space. The author of the books is a former graphic design artist, and in one of her articles she talks about the necessity of space between works of art so that the eye can rest between artworks and fully appreciate the individual piece before moving on.
She says that many of the treats of life are like that, too- we need to have space between them to fully appreciate them.
The FYG, at nine, recently had her very first trip to The Disney Store, and the first trip she remembers to the mall. She was utterly enchanted- darting from one thing to another like a bee in a flower garden. The clerk commented on how alight she was with pleasure over everything in the store. She said she didn't often see children having that much fun anymore, they seemed so jaded.
I told her that the FYG had never been before, and she was somewhat dumbfounded. I explained that since she had never seen it before, she wasn't going to take it for granted- it was much more fun for her than it was for the kids who got to go to the mall every week. She nodded thoughtfully and said that made sense.
When we never deny ourselves or our children anything we want, we create jaded appetites. If we want to foster a sense of contentment with what we have, a sense of appreciation for the extras in life rather than a sense of entitlement to them, we'll give ourselves and our children the gift of space.
That means that it might be a good idea to make yourself read all the books you own before you buy news ones (gulp!), and no new toys except for special occasions. Going out to eat might also be something unusual, a special event rather than something you take for granted. Learn to enjoy staying home and playing board games, going for walks, having old fashioned family sings, baking bread or making pizza together, having friends in, and reading aloud.
Create space in your lives, space between events. Give yourselves time to appreciate what you are doing now, time to reminisce, and time for hopeful anticipation. Create the space that helps develop a habit of contentment.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Give the Gift of Space
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5 comments:
Yeah, I acted like that my first time in a Disney Store too... And I was exuberantly singing every song that came on the big video...
I was nineteen.
The employees watched me for awhile - then the manager silently handed me a job application. (ha!)
I think I remember that article. What stuck with me (if I DO remember correctly)was the illustration of taking the children for their first ice cream cone from a shop. Parents see how much their children enjoy it, but instead of keeping that pleasure alive by making such visits rare, we take them more often, which then takes the joy away. In order to recapture it, we have to move "up" to sundaes, then banana splits, etc. until one day none of it means much anymore.
Which also reminds me of a friend's father: They were quite poor when he was young and so it was an incredible thrill when his mother would buy orange soda to celebrate Independence Day. That was the only time they had such a luxury and it made such an impact on him, that to this day the only time he treats himself (and now his family) to orange soda is on Independence Day. I've been with him on that day and he still has the joy of a child as he drinks that pop and reminisces about his younger days. It is quite wonderful=)
Sorry for the ramble.....
Lady Laura,I appreciate your ramble. I think you're remembering correctly, because her point reminded me of something from my childhood.
We were not overflush with money. Every once in a while we would have something my mother called a 'popcorn party.' All we did is pop popcorn, drink coke, and read together, play a game, or watch television- but we only rarely purchased coke (mainly only for popcorn parties), so I still remember this as extremely special.
I like the way you put it- keep such pleasure alive by keeping the occasion rare.
oooohh... agreeing wholeheartedly over here! Which is why my children are grateful and appreciative of treats (small and large) and my nephews are whiny brats ;-)
I've actually considered that when I have kids, I won't be getting them any presents, because the hyper-abundance of relatives means that it's darned near impossible to get something for my nieces without duplicating somebody else's effort. (Thankfully, my sisters are wise enough to teach their children manners— it was a hoot to see how my five-year-old niece accepted a gift of mine that she already had with the comment, "Now we can have one here AND at the cabin." Five years old and already a diplomat.)
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