Sarcasm, Contempt, & Mutual Respect

Shasta and The Equuschick had a conversation at the breakfast table the other morning. She doesn't remember how it went, only that at the end Shasta sighed and said "Our poor child, raised with such sarcastic parents." But he rallied and said with a grin "But I am unwilling to change. I like being sarcastic with you. It is too much fun."

The Equuschick isn't particularly worried about the future pysche of little Pinocchio anyway. She grew up in a family where Sarcasm was practically the universal love language and thought it a great deal of fun herself.

She is constantly surprised by the number of people who regard Sarcasm as an evil in and of itself. "Oh dear," she's heard a friend say, "I've really become too sarcastic lately. I'm sorry."

Apologizing for sarcasm was a completely novel idea to The Equuschick. You apologized for something said with intent to wound, you apologized for anger, for going too far at the wrong time and thus unintentionally wounding someone, but sarcasm itself was never seen as the enemy. Sarcasm, here at the Common Room, has always been celebrated.

The Equuschick, once struggling with a stubborn bit of wire while working on the fence, was approached by Shasta who asked with a wide grin "Hey, do you need a big strong man to do that for you?"

Her grin was even wider as she responded, "Yeah, I guess I'd better go find one."

Shocking, really. To so many people. Debi Pearl? Oh dear, the things she would have had to say to The Equuschick. But Shasta? He nearly fell down laughing and never fear, he's had his revenge several times over. His favourite thing to say to The Equuschick when they take a walk these days is "Are you doing all right there, Waddles?" Then he'll do his imitation of The Pregnant Equuschick.

And The Equuschick laughs, because truly, his imitation is funny. It takes talent to be that funny. The Equuschick appreciates and respects that talent.

It seems to her that a great deal of Sarcasm's bad reputation is due to confusion between Sarcasm and his evil twin, Contempt. Though Contempt and Sarcasm are often seen about together, they are not one and the same and Sarcasm can have many other friends. Contempt's only constant companions are exasperation and disrespect.

Sarcasm needs words, that's part of of the art of it. You need to know what to say when, and how to say them to get the most humerous effect.

Contempt can be silent, yet deadly. Contempt is a roll of the eyes, a curl of the lip. The language of Contempt has nothing to do with words at all- Contempt makes itself heard best in a sigh of disgust. Oh, Contempt can use words at times as well and sometimes even the same words Sarcasm would use in the same context, but the body language of Contempt is as devastating to a relationship as the humour of Sarcasm can be healing if used appropriately.

Whatever words are used, Sarcasm says with a grin "You are my friend. I love to play this game with you. You are a worthy opponent." Sarcasm with a grin can be a fun game to watch a loved one play with another.

Contempt need say nothing and yet its spirit screams at a loved one "You are stupid. I am so tired of dealing with you." Contempt is an agonizing weapon for a child to watch one loved one level at another.

The echoes of Contempt's disrespect for the position, the character, the intelligence and the very human dignity of the victim run through the house-hold, spreading wounds and habits of disrespect like biting pebbles that ripple through a pond that once was smooth and peaceful.

What a vicious thing he really is, Contempt. Who on earth would let him into the house?

No one ever intends to do it. They just forget to shut the door.

In the first place, Contempt cannot exist without some preconceived idea of one's superiority over another. Not necessarily an idea of overall superiority, but an idea that somehow, somewhere, your way of doing such-and-such is the best and only way and you say to yourself, without realizing what you are doing, "I have no patience with those who do such-and-such."

It is very hard for Contempt to exist without impatience as well, for Contempt is hardly a planned response. It can sadly become a habitual and instinctive response, but still it is not planned.

A bad day, a bad mood. And suddenly someone does something that may rub you just a bit the wrong way. It annoys. It may even have been a stupid thing to do, we all do stupid things.

And you're tired, and you forget it really doesn't matter. You forget that even if it does matter, there is always a kinder way to deal with it. You open your mouth, and Contempt sneaks out from the little corner where he's been lurking in your unguarded heart. Maybe you speak words that cut. Maybe you don't speak at all, and you flatter yourself for your forbearance. But all the while your lip is curling, your eyes are rolling, and Contempt enters the room with the very breath you breathe and begins to spread his painful destruction.

And once you've taken up with Contempt, he's a very difficult companion to be rid of. You might not even notice he's there, and you wonder why the air grows toxic.

The trouble with Respect is that it really does tend to be a two-way street. For that matter, in a family of four you could practically call it a four-way intersection.

The question, if we're being practical, is not really whether it should be so. There are positions that ought simply to be respected for the sake of the position, that is a fact.


But the fact of human nature is that no one takes kindly to respecting someone who keeps Contempt as a regular companion. Contempt is demoralizing, humiliating, and if it teaches Respect at all, it teaches only the resentful Respect of those who have been made to feel themselves stupid and inferior. More often than not, however, Contempt breeds only resentment and more Contempt.

Contempt is a hard wound to bear, and a very shameful wound to watch others bear. There is a little quiet something in all of us that knows Contempt as the shameful thing it is. When those in authority have to resort to something we all know to be shameful, is it any wonder that Respect goes out the window?

Respect is found, not in the words we use, but in how. Respect is not to be found in the words which we use to address those due our Respect, but in the attitude and spirit of how we view their dignity in their position as a child of God and, if it applies, as someone in Authority.

But you cannot respect Authority until you have first learned to respect another's position as simply a child of God, due consideration and kindness (and not Contempt) in that light alone. That respect is mutual. That respect is the respect upon which all other kinds of respect (familial, government, etc.) are built.



When Contempt is guarded against, friendship and mutual respect can prosper in any other circumstance.

That is why in a relationship where Sarcastic Humour is a favourite, Sarcasm can be a friend. The one twin can be a blessing where the evil twin is a curse.