Conformity and Human Nature

It would usually start with a funny story one of the wives told on her husband, or sometimes a request for advice. And then somebody else would tell a funnier story about her husband or share something her guy did that seemed relevant to the first wife's request for advice. And then somebody else would share- and we'd all be giggling and as the night wore on, and I would find myself sharing a story about my husband that was less than respectful, not really a dreadful story, just the kind of thing that maybe he didn't want the entire church to know (this was a ladies' Bible study group) just because everybody else was. I would go home and ask myself, 'what just happened here?' I realized that if I knew my husband was hanging out with the guys telling them the same sorts of stories about me, I'd be hurt- or seriously annoyed. So why was I doing it?

This very funny video (which I think I've showed before) illustrates why:



That funny video illustrates a very painful truth- the human need for conformity.

What happened was that I wanted to fit in. As time went on one of the wives had the courage to tell the rest of us that she had been going home regretting some of the things she'd said, and so the rest of us were able to admit that we were, too (and probably some who admitted it actually had not had any such regrets, given the nature of humankind). So we committed to try NOT to let our conversation degenerate in that fashion, and it did make a difference.


For school we're reading The Family Book of Manners, and after a few lessons on personal decorum and manners (how to introduce people, etc), there's a section on how choosing the right friends is more important than choosing the right fork, and avoiding harmful influences because evil companions corrupt good morals. I am often uncomfortable with such lessons- not because I disagree with the general truth but because the *focus* seems to me to have a danger of making people a little self-righteous, Pharisaical ("I thank God I am not as others, and I won't associate with them..."), holier than thou, and judgmental- when I think the focus ought to be on recognizing our own personal weaknesses and the human tendency towards conformity.

I think it's useful for young people (and old) to know that they share the same human weaknesses in kind with the rest of their species. How common is that need to conform?

The Asch experiments are very interesting- purportedly about visual perception a group of people are shown several lines and asked to tell which is the shortest, or which line from one group matches the line on another card. Only the real experiment isn't about visual perception, but about conformity. All the people in the group but one have been told to give the same wrong answer:



The Asch experiment shows just how easily we human beings- nearly all of us, say things we do not believe to be true, even when they don't really matter, just because everybody else is saying it. We want to fit in- even if we think we don't, we just mean we don't want to fit in with a given group. Some of the most lockstep thinkers (and dressers) I have ever known were the nonconformists I was busy being nonconformist with in high school.

Here's a diagnostic check I suggested to my children after watching the above videos: If you find that you are being quiet when something you value is being trashed, if you find that when you are around certain people you are less honest, less true to yourself, are embarrassed by your beliefs and convictions, are acting differently in a negative way, lowering your standards, doing something you would be embarrassed about if your parents, Sunday School teacher, preacher, elders, etc, were to see you, then you do need to walk away- NOW- and stop hanging out with those people- but you need to recognize that it's not so much because they are so evil, but rather because of the human weakness within yourself.

Here's another experiment that demonstrates our dangerous tendency to let others do our thinking for us- the Milgram experiments. This isn't the original experiment, but it's along the same grounds:


Watch carefully and see if you can notice an early mistake in judgment.

What do you think? In my opinion, that mistake is when he stays to argue a bit with the 'authority' figure. Instead of discussion, there needed to be fleeing. Instead of staying to explain why he could not keep pushing the button, he needed to get up and walk off. He missed several opportunities to escape.

There are several youtube videos about the Milgram experiments- it's a pretty eye opening view into human nature. It's why I shudder at the idea that we should just submit to a cop because he's in uniform and therefore an authority, and we deserve it if we get mouthy and he tasers or arrests us.

That's why I get really twitchy about the idea that a person in a uniform is an 'authority' regardless of how he is wielding that 'authority' and whether he is legally authorized to claim that particularly authority or not- but that's a different soapbox.

Or maybe not. It's really just conformity of a different flavor.

But I digress. I think The Milgram and Asch experiments were useful tools for teaching the Progeny about their human tendency to conformity, and you might find them helpful, too.
Previous posts about these experiments here.

I've also blogged about the Milgram and similar experiments (Asch's Conformity Study) and their ramifications for our culture in these posts:
Speaking Truth to Power in Lockstep With Everybody Else

Conformity

Maimed Existence


Milgramesque Experiments in the Classroom

Countering Culture

The Existence of Evil

Pin It

Pin It