Titus 2 is basically shorthand in Christian circles for an older woman who is a role model and mentor, a sort of combination of Ann Landers, Julia Child, Mary Poppins, Martha Stuart, Miss Manners, and just, perhaps, a dash of Rosie the Riveter and all the warmth of Oprah.
We have trouble finding her.
When I was a younger mother, I lamented the dearth of wise, experienced, older Titus 2 women to give me good advice.
There were plenty of older women giving me advice. I just thought most of it was bad (and truthfully, some of it was bad, like the grandmother suggesting I feed my exclusively breastfed five month old fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy), or that we didn't have enough in common for them to know what would work in my life, or I didn't admire their life choices enough to make them role models. I was a stay at home mom out of deeply held convictions and adherence to those deeply held principles. What could I learn from a woman who was an officer in the Marine Corps? I loved staying home with my kids, what could another friend who hated it and couldn't wait to go back to work teach me? I was raised in a home as free from prejudice as humanly possible. My neighbor the bigot obviously had nothing I wanted.
I do not know why we think differently about this mentoring business than we think about individual people in our lives. You know that when the neighbor two doors down warns you about some coming crisis you can take it with a grain of salt as that neighbor has a tendency to be Chicken Little with a new sky is falling story every week. Conversely, when the neighbor two doors up the street expresses concern, you know to take it seriously because that neighbor never worries unduly. But it just may be the neighbor two doors down whom you ask for help with the chores when you're injured because that neighbor has shown himself to be dependable, reliable and conscientious, while the neighbor who never worries unduly also doesn't always remember what he's said he will do.
People, you see, are a mixed bag. None of us are perfect, and while we know this- we even say it often, we don't always quite think it through to its logical conclusion. We may give lip service to the idea that we all have flaws, foibles, weirdnesses, and strengths, but we forget this when searching for just the right mentor. The differences between our flaws are more in kind, not quantity. Some may be more obvious, some may even be more serious, but even the presence of a seriously wicked attitude (genuine bigotry, for instance) does not mean the absence of any virtue in some other area.
We like to think we understand that nobody is perfect, but we do not often stop to consider that if a woman is a slovenly housekeeper we might still find her an excellent model in holding her tongue, and a known gossip may yet be the best person in town to teach you how to bake bread or entertain a group of children for hours with nothing but an old magazine.
My friend the Marine Corps Captain was one of the sweetest, most generous people I knew. She did not need to be a perfect stay at home mom in order for me to learn something of generosity from her. She had a knack for thoughtful, considerate gifts that meant much because of her thought and care.
My neighbor the bigot taught me two or three excellent frugal recipes that stood me in good stead in many tight periods between paydays. I could decry her bigotry (and we argued over it, in fact), and still learn some wonderful frugal cooking tips from her. Being a bigot did not make her a bad cook.
My friend who hated being a stay at home mom and had nothing good to say about it had a gift for avoiding gossip and seeing the good side of people. No matter what she heard about somebody, no matter how negative, she was able to suggest a kinder reason that person might have behaved in such away, and she quickly would suggest it and deflect the conversation elsewhere. I learned charity from her.
We can learn from good examples, even in the midst of great imperfection. And it is a good thing we can learn even from quite imperfect people because perfection doesn't exist here on earth. It's one thing when we seek it in ourselves, and strive to do better all the time. That is self-improvement. It's another thing altogether when we demand it from others. That is a lack of charity.
If you are a Christian looking for that Titus 2 woman, you may have to find her in composite, taking Mrs. Jones as a model for loving one's husband, Mrs. Smith for a model in loving children, Mrs. McGillicuddy as a model in patience, Miss Appleby as a model for creative ways with old things, Miss. Kowalski can teach you some simple sewing, Mrs. Smyth-Smyth may know a thousand ways to pinch a penny while Mrs. Martinez may be the model you want for cooking.
See good where you can see it and learn from it. Charitably overlook negatives where you can do nothing to change them- think of them primarily in your prayer closet. Be kind to one another, forbearing...
For more on this topic as well as an interesting review of Elizabeth Prentiss' life and work, see Carmon's post at Buried Treasure books. The Equuschick was blessed to hear that even the author of Stepping Heavenward once told a friend, after her first baby was born:
“I find the care of her very wearing and have cried ever so many times from fatigue and anxiety, but now I am getting a little better and she pays me for all I do.”Pin It
