Ear-marked by God

The HM continues to be called in to substitute every single day, sometimes twice. He's even been scheduled to substitute several times over the next couple of weeks.  What a blessing, yes?  Of course, yes.

A kind reader donated a very kind amount via paypal yesterday morning. What a blessing, yes? Of course, yes.

I sold another book via Amazon.  Of course, another blessing.

I completely forgot that a Blogher check was due me, and it arrived yesterday.  What a blessing, yes? Of course, yes.



And then, right after opening the check from Blogher, I opened another piece of mail I had forgotten was coming. Or rather, I knew it was coming sometime, just not when, and because it was a reconciliation after a huge error on the part of the hospital, I had no way of knowing how much it would be when it did finally come. But here it was.  As you have deduced, clever buttons that you are, it was a medical bill. 

Strangely, the amount of that bill is within a couple of dollars (as in, truly, within a couple hundred copper pennies) of the total of the Blogher check, the donation, and the book I sold. I have that amount of change in my change purse, stuffed in a corner of my bedside table because it got too heavy to carry in my purse.

What a blessing, yes?

Yet I was distinctly peeved.

I felt like a child who had just reached for a delicious sticky bun, only to have some adult swoop down and snatch it away. 

I no sooner get something good than something bad comes to cancel it out. 

No wonder I felt like a child who'd had her sticky sweet treat stolen.  I was thinking childishly.

 Why was that my first impulse?  Why was that any impulse at all since I had not yet designated a home for that money?

Why didn't I immediately think instead, "Something good comes along to cancel out the bad before I even know the bad is here!"

Financially, I am no worse off than before, since I hadn't counted on any of this money in assessing our finances for the rest of this month. Financially, in spite of having just been given a medical bill that was somewhat unexpected (and is larger than I thought it would be), I've still broken even. Isn't that amazing?!  Why wasn't THAT the first thing that jumped to mind?

I am blessed in a way I wasn't before, as the thoughtful gift warms my heart and blesses me in ways that cannot be quantified and measured for a balance sheet.
I am blessed again and again by the mercies of God, His Providential timing, and His object lessons in trust.

If the surprises had come in reverse order, medical bill followed by monies a, b, and c, I would not have felt so peeved.  I have spent some time pondering on the why of that.  It's not that I had some 'fun' or frivolous or even mildly selfish plan for it.  I didn't have a plan at all at the moment of my peevishness.There was nothing specific I had planned to do with that money.  So why disgruntled?

 I think it's because when the money came first without already having been earmarked, I wrongly thought 'mine.' It was a control issue.  Since we hadn't earmarked it before it came, it was up to us to earmark it, to determine where to spend it. I resented it when that decision was taken from my hands almost the next second.

But God had already ear-marked it.  It's his, not mine. I just get to handle it. My first thought should have been, "I wonder what God has planned for this?"