I used to be on the Fly Lady's list. It did not really work for me, but that's a different story. At the end of every e-mail she had this saying, "Housework done imperfectly still blesses your family."
Most of us are not perfect, and some of us are more imperfect than others (or we feel that way. I know I do).
It occurred to me a couple of years ago during one of those "I'm a failure" moments that mothering done imperfectly also still blesses our children. It's not that we don't keep trying for perfection, because mothering is ever so much more important than housework, of course. But we don't need to go out of our way to beat ourselves up over our failures. We will anyway, most of us, so there's no need to go out of our way to do it. I do, too.
I've found myself in a puddle of tears because the Head Girl and Equuschick are really technically done- and I have failed in so many ways with them and my time is really done- all I have left is a little polishing here and there, and not too much of that. I can't start from scratch with them again, and even if I could, I'd make some of the same dumb mistakes and probably invent dreadful new ones.
But let's remind ourselves that mothering done imperfectly still blesses our children, while we continue to work, pray, and study our way into learning more.
I am imperfectly cleaning my house and mothering my children today. What a blessing!!!!
ReplyDeleteDear HM,
ReplyDeleteThis post seems to relate a bit to your other recent one "Are They Hearing What We're Saying" -- a sort of corollary. Chesterton said, "Anything worth doing is worth doing badly". Personally, as a homeschooling mom of 7 who can't really say she's done ANYTHING perfectly and would even be a little bit creeped out to start imagining I was perfect -- brings to mind the Pharisee in the temple -- I'm already practicing NOT being defensive. That, I imagine, will stand me in good stead when my kids are grown up and show me, by their words or their own parenting, where they think I went wrong... as I am sure they will. I suppose we owe our kids a good honest college try at parenting, but we don't and can't owe them flawlessness. Anyway, thanks for your very perceptive writings; I read your blog regularly.
Thanks, HM, after a day of imperfect housekeeping and REALLY imperfect parenting, I really needed that.
ReplyDeletewjfr, You're quite right, now that you point it out, the two posts do seem to be related. Interesting, because they were both originally written in different times and situations. I just happened to come across them separately in the last month and brushed them up and reposted them. Much of the "hearing" post originally was written when the FYB was about 1- I remember that because he was still breastfeeding, and it was actually the breastfeeding and some hostile reaction to the mere fact that I was sitting and feeding the baby when a relative would have preferred me to put him a crib with a bottle and do something different that prompted much of that pondering.
ReplyDeleteThe "imperfect mothering is still a blessing" was written either last December or the one before in response to a young mother asking my advice while she was stressing out over thinking that it was really 'too late' for her to be a good mom- her kids were about 3 or 4 and under.
It's always too late to change the past, but just the right time to work on the future.
I wish I took my advice as easily as I write it.=)