Pop Culture 2

I'm going to answer the two questions I was asked about yesterday's Pop-Culture Cat post.

The first is what changed my opinion of the Harry Potter books.  My answer is not going to be satisfactory to anybody looking for useful information, but it may be amusing. You see, my objections to the HP series in the first place had nothing to do with the usual stuff you hear about. It wasn't the magic, the disobedience, or the alleged disrespect (which I don't even really think is there).
I read the book while pregnant, and the scene where a unicorn is slain so that an evil, formless creature can drink its blood made me actually, violently physically ill.  I mean- I had to put down the book and run to the bathroom.
But what you need to know is that I had the same reaction to the scene in the stomach song in Anastasia, to mushrooms, to lettuce, to a runny nose, to brushing my teeth, to thinking about brushing my teeth, to showers, .  I had an even worse reaction to Ace Ventura: Pet Detective on the worst anniversary date ever.  That movie made me so sick that for a good two years after seeing it I was still dry-retching if I merely tried to say the name of the movie or somebody else mentioned it in my presence.  I am not making that up.
I do not have a weak stomach at any other time. But when I am pregnant, my stomach and my gag reflexes are on overdrive and they pretty much control my life.

What my daughter said to me when she came home from nannying for the summer (and reading Harry Potter) was not in the realm of philosophy or literary critic.  She simply said, "You were pregnant when you read this book, weren't you?  I am not sure you are a good judge of this kind of thing when you are pregnant. In fact, I think maybe you should not be allowed to screen books and movies when you are pregnant."
That made me laugh.  Then I reread the book and realized she was right.  The unicorn blood scene is unpleasant, but it was nothing like I had remembered.

So the reason they hadn't been allowed to read HP was because it made me throw up when I was pregnant and the reason I changed my mind is because I realized that my pregnancy stomach was no standard.

The Bedroom issue:

I have to share a bedroom.  Most of the people I know are married and have to share a room.  Parents with children often have to share their bed with their kids, even if they are not co-sleepers by philosophy.
If you have never had to share a bedroom, this is harder than it has to be.

When the kids all shared rooms there was a closeness, a bonding, a sweetness to those relationships that is, honestly, gone now.  They don't see it because they absolutely love each other dearly and are still each other's best friends. But I see that we have lost something.  And when they tell me their reasons why having their own room is better- the answers are all about me, myself, and that little egoist, I.  those are the words used, those words are the subjects of their sentences explaining why they prefer having their own rooms.  The more strongly they assert their preference for 'my own room, my own space, I like being able to go in my room and be by myself, my own stuff, I like my privacy," the more strongly I am convinced that this has brought out and nurtured a certain sort of selfishness that wasn't there before.  It's not that they are selfish people, it's that they are human beings, and they are more self oriented now than they were before they had their own rooms.

Once, my youngest two hated to be alone in their own rooms and would come looking for the rest of us.  "This house is nice," said the FYG more than once when we first moved in, "But it's.... lonely."  And now they all go in their rooms and shut the door- to do schoolwork, mostly- only the over 20's have electronics in their room beyond an alarm clock.  And it is lonely.  "My own room," to me, fosters a spirit that is spiritually a little unhealthy, a little over concerned with me-time, with privacy, with 'MY' stuff.  It's not going to be helpful when they marry, and while some are called to singleness, most aren't.

And it must be said that I am talking about what I observe, before and after, in my family. I know plenty of kids who are far more selfish and self-centered, and most people who know us would be shocked at the implication that these young people are selfish.  They aren't, and they are more giving of themselves than others the same age, and there are others who have far worse problems with their kids.

But here's the thing. We are not grading on a curve.  Our standard is not what the Jones' kids are or are not doing. A so-called typical teen, whatever that animal looks like, if it even exists, has nothing to do with our goals.

I am not comparing them to anybody else. I am noticing that there was something sweet and precious in our smaller home that has somewhat dissipated in the larger home, and I miss it.

That said, I will add that they do all congregate in the kitchen in this house far more often than they did in the little house where the kitchen was cold, drafty, and crowded with people needing to go through the kitchen to get anywhere in our little house.

And I will reiterate again (how is for redundancy) that you must work out these things in your own family. In our family and with these children it was music, make-up, and dress style.  Had the birth order of my children been reversed, I suspect the issues would have been different.  In another family it will be books read, or hobbies, or a taste for practical jokes, or an interest in hunting or something like the Civil Air Patrol, or sports statistics- something the parents may feel isn't really a sin, but is a waste of time, or at least unprofitable or unworthy, or perhaps not a sin, but just WRONG (not all of my daughters voted for the same candidate that I did in our state's primary).  Homeschool moms, in particular, as my friend Cindy has pointed out before, can be overly earnest, and we need to guard against that, and not allow it to skew our sense of proportion.